Fight Club – not the movie, but emotional, trauma healing fight club. I’m sure you are asking how I could draw a parallel between the movie and spiritual growth, but once you realize that the most harmful things in our life are often lived in the shadows, you’ll see that it was not a big leap. Fight club had 5 rules – I am going to use these same rules to make my argument for our personal fight club. We are all fighting in some secrete society that we don’t think anyone will understand. Once we realize that we are fighting in the shadows it will all make sense.
Rule #1 – you don’t talk about fight club.
This is the same things as: we all have problems, no one cares, we all have trauma, suck it up, if you ignore it, it will go away, act like it doesn’t bother you and it won’t. This is the emotional fight club we learn to keep to ourselves, the emotional fight club that bleads us to the shadows of depression, despair, toxic acceptance, and often addiction. This hurt stays with us, cloaked in the darkness that leaves us fighting for our lives (this might sound dramatic, but we are fighting for our lives, not the lives we were told to live, not the dreams we were told to want, and not the relationships we were told to accept, no, we are fighting for ourselves). We fight with the people that are part of our lives, because they showed up, their trauma led them to the same place of shadowy darkness as ours. We stay in this place of hurt because we think this is what we deserve, we deserve the beating, physical or emotional, so we take it. Day in and day out. If we don’t talk about it, it doesn’t exist, right?
Rule #2 – Only two people fight at a time – lets keep the fight fair
Good rule, except in the case of trauma it often feels like us against the world, so we have to really work hard at keeping the fight fair. We do this by working slowly, not trying to face everything at one time. Trauma is after a series of events, reactions, or perception of events – imagine trauma as pebbles, they are small and can be easily picked up and carried, but over years, decades even, as we continue to pick up and carry these pebbles with us, they become unmanageable, too heavy, they weigh us down until we are forced to surrender under the weight. To keep the fight fair, we work on one pebble at a time, small steps lead to big success. We didn’t collect these pebbles all at once, we can’t expect to release them all at once. Keep the fight fair, this means being fair to yourself and your expectations of the healing journey.
Rule #3 – No weapons
Also, a good rule, but when it comes to trauma healing these weapons are called coping skills, those skills you have developed over years or decades to avoid feeling: substance abuse, avoidance, self-harm, negative self-talk, isolation. These are the unhealthy ways we fight off the world, told hold in the pain. It’s time that we stop using these ineffective weapons and reach for a healthier way to fight.
Rule #4 – the fight continues until someone taps out or goes limp
Truth is the fight, this fight will continue after the tap out, usually that’s when the real battle will actually start. There will always come a time in this fight for emotional well being that we have to acknowledge that we’ve been fighting the wrong battle, that we have waged a war on ourseves, that we have been fighting symptoms and not the problem. That’s usually the time we go limp, not because we are weak, but because we are tired. This is often a time of new reflection, of realization, of exhaustion. This transition time is hard, it’s unfamiliar, it’s confusing. Those rays of light you see through the windows are the future, that light that peeks into the shadowy darkness, that’s hope, that’s relief, that’s healing.
Rule #5 – 1st time at fight club you have to fight
Just by showing up to fight club, you’ve made the decision to fight. To fight for yourself, for healing, for emotional health and wellbeing. You have decided to fight for change, for the life and dreams you want. So yes, we showed up to fight club to fight.
Yes, fight club rules apply to emotional trauma healing: it’s time to talk about fight club, take small steps, put down the weapons, tap out if you need to, but only to recover… we showed up for the fight and that is progress.
